I’ve found serving others to be an instrumental part of my healing.  As I continue to heal from my own losses, I help facilitate monthly support group meetings for those dealing with miscarriage and infant loss in the San Diego area.  I was reminded yesterday that I have a knowledge that I received that goes far beyond anything I could have ever imagined for my life.  I find it interesting that the seemingly fortunate ones who had healthy pregnancies remain shielded from knowing what we know.  I used to feel cheated and often asked myself, “Why did this happen to me?” “Why couldn’t I have an easy and healthy pregnancy?” It didn’t seem fair.

My mama told me that life isn’t fair and I guess she was right.  Life isn’t fair and things can and do happen to us all the time that we can’t explain.  What I have learned is that there is wisdom in knowing what I know.  If you’ve lost a child, you know it too.  It’s a knowing we hold deep within our hearts.  It is a gift the fortunate ones with healthy pregnancies don’t have the right too.  Take a minute and let this reality sink in.  As I began to surrender to the reality of my new life, I embraced this knowing in prayer.

A Prayer of Knowing

Today I cry and weep, not from the deep pain of loss, but because of all that I know because of my loss. I know the true power of love, how that very love has changed my world and how my love put out into the world can create a positive impact.  I know that what I focus on comes into my life. If it’s is anger and hate, that anger and hate will only grow. If it’s love, compassion and understanding, only love can grow. Dear Lord, help me today to be patient and understanding, to release the anger I feel and let the light of my love shine bright enough so that others who live in darkness today can feel love too. I take full responsibility for knowing deep within my own heart that only my love of self and others can truly change the world.Catherine McNulty

May the light of my love shine bright enough to brighten your world today.